


Not Your Own

by facingtheraven



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Series, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-10-01 05:31:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10181732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/facingtheraven/pseuds/facingtheraven
Summary: Greg Lestrade was absolutely panic-stricken He didn’t want to believe that Sherlock Holmes would be so stupid as to attempt to kill himself. No matter how many times Lestrade had found him on the floor of his own flat, in a dodgy alley or in a drug den he didn’t truly believe he was very actively pursuing his own death. He knew being the brilliant man he was came at a price. Sherlock Holmes was never at peace.





	

Greg Lestrade was absolutely panic-stricken He didn’t want to believe that Sherlock Holmes would be so stupid as to attempt to kill himself. No matter how many times Lestrade had found him on the floor of his own flat, in a dodgy alley or in a drug den he didn’t truly believe he was very actively pursuing his own death. He knew being the brilliant man he was came at a price. Sherlock Holmes was never at peace and the drugs he believed subsided the storm that was constantly inside himself.

Greg ran as fast as his feet could carry him, bursting violently through the door leading to the roof of St. Barts. The simple message he had received on his mobile a mere twenty minutes ago hadn’t sat right with him. He wasn’t sure but he needed to come just to be safe. Standing above the city Lestrade slowly made his way closer to the younger man trying his best not to startle him. “Sherlock I need you to step away from there, please.” Lestrade said while straining for breath. “Will you come down from there and at least hear me out.” Lestrade begged.

Without turning around the taller figure slowly stepped backwards off the ledge and came falling down to his knees on the rooftop, causing Lestrade to to let out a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding in. Greg knelt down beside the man taking him all in. The detective had lost a significant amount of weight since he had last seen him. His cheekbones more prominent than before and he was certain if he were to reach out and touch the man he would find sharp edges of bones underneath that great coat. His usual striking cerulean eyes were lifeless staring out into the skyline.

Reaching out Lestrade softly took the younger mans hand in his own softly running his thumb along Sherlock’s palm in an attempt to soothe him. He knew this was risky territory, he didn’t want to push the man away but he needed comfort him. If Greg were being absolutely honest with himself it was a selfish act. He needed proof Sherlock was alive and here right in front of him still. “Taking your own life. Interesting expression yeah? Who are you taking it from?” Lestrade spoke interrupting the silence between them. “Not you, y’know. It’s not you who will miss it. Your death happens to everyone else.” Sherlock stayed utterly still and silent. “You may not think it right now but you mean a great deal to people. Not just for your work or your massive intellect either. People do care about you. They love you even.” The last statement was met with a scoff from the younger man who until now remained silent.

“You really expect me to believe that?” He spat at Greg still refusing to look away from the city lights. “I have no one Graham.” Greg could feel the sorrow inside his body being replaced and filled with anger. Reaching up he forcefully grabbed the detectives wrist to get his attention.

“You unbelievable cock!” Greg shouted at him forcing Sherlock to face him this time wide eyed at his outburst. “People do care about you. I happen to love you but you are too blind to see that. I know you are going to laugh and call me an idiot because you don’t believe in love or sentiment. It’s just going to say its some chemical defect or some rubbish like that. But that, that is what I feel for you and you wont convince me otherwise you git.”

Cradling the younger mans face in his hands Greg caressed those beautifully sharp cheekbones watching the confusion dance in Sherlock’s eyes. “Your life is not your own goddamn it so keep your hands off of it!” Tilting Sherlock’s face gently toward his own Greg closed the distance between them and pressed their lips together forcefully to prove to the man just how needed and wanted he truly was. When he didn’t pull away at the touch Greg began to run his tongue along Sherlock’s lips asking for permission to deepen the kiss. Slowly he separated his lips allowing Greg’s tongue entry. Exploring gently with his tongue he felt the younger mans body shudder and could taste the salt from the freely flowing tears coming down his face.

Pulling away for breath Greg embraced the smaller man in his arms tightly, letting him violently cry onto his shoulder soaking his jacket. “I know it hurts luv. I really do but you need to keep going.” This isn’t the answer and you know that.” He choked out as Sherlock’s long fingers grasped at Greg’s waist.

“I don’t know if I can...” Sherlock whispered.

“I will always be here Sherlock. I wont let you go through this alone, you just have to tell me when it becomes too much. If you are hurting ...” But Sherlock interrupted him.

“Not just that...” He sobbed pulling Greg tighter to himself. “ I don’t know if I can ... if I can love you back Greg.” Sherlock admitted. “It’s not that I don’t really believe in it. I just... I don’t even love myself Greg to keep living. How can I possibly love another person.” Greg knew underneath Sherlock’s egotistical behavior was most likely a very deeply unhappy person but to hear him admit he didn’t even love himself was agonizing.

“You don’t have to love me back.” Greg stopped him. “Just allow me to help you that’s all I want Sherlock. I am asking nothing else in return.” The younger man nodded with tears still streaming down his face. Greg could feel Sherlock’s breathing slowing to a calmer pace as he placed a chaste kiss on his forehead.

“Now let me get you back to Baker Street. We will get some food in you and I want no arguments got me?” Greg said standing up and pulling Sherlock to his feet next to him.

“Will you..” Sherlock choked the words out between sobs. “ Please just stay with me tonight.” Greg felt his heart break a second time that night but forced a small smile onto his features. Greg didn’t need him to see how painful this was for him to see him like this. He needed to be the stronger one. “ I don’t know if I want to be alone.”

“Alright? No worries, I’ll stay with you as long as I am needed.” He said placing a hand tentatively on the small of the detectives back leading him toward the stairwell. “Let’s get going though I can feel the rain isn’t long off.”

Greg really had no intentions of leaving him alone in this state. The thought of camping out on Mrs. Hudson’s entry way had crossed his mind if Sherlock hadn’t asked. He knew Sherlock, knew he was a proud and stubborn man and just how difficult it had to have been to even ask. How difficult it was to even let anyone see he was struggling. Whatever he needed from him Greg would provide no questions asked. Whatever demons the younger man was facing they would face it together.

**Author's Note:**

> First Sherlock fic and un-beta'ed. I had an idea sparked from the original pilot script with a scene between these two and Lestrade asking how Sherlocks mental health is at the moment.
> 
> Combined with the idea that maybe someone once told Sherlock the exact same thing he tells Faith in the Lying Detective during a danger night of his own .


End file.
